


Follow the sun

by momentofclarity



Series: Short fics & drabbles [3]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: (i'll just tag everything i write ever with that), Happy Ending, Light Angst, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, They are so in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-26
Updated: 2017-04-26
Packaged: 2018-10-24 07:55:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10737411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/momentofclarity/pseuds/momentofclarity





	Follow the sun

The sun is setting but there’s nothing pretty about it, only grey fading into darker grey. Louis is sitting on the windowsill of his shitty one room apartment in Queens, window cranked open and cigarette dangling from his fingers. He’s bone tired, just having arrived home from a day at the store, annoying tourists and the rainy weather making the heavy stone in his stomach settle even more. His Skype call with Harry the day before had been bad, horrible even, and he’s not been able to stop thinking about it.

Harry had been moody right from the start, voice deep and irritated, bottom lip jutting out slightly as soon as he quieted down. In the beginning Louis had always found himself clueless when Harry got into one of his moods, having no idea why Harry would be upset with him, but by now he knows that there’s always something else simmering right beneath the surface. When Harry acts up he’s only minutes away from breaking down. So after a few carefully prodding questions Harry had started crying and there is literally nothing that hurts Louis more than Harry being upset and not being able to hold him. He’d been sobbing and hiccupping and wiping angrily at his eyes for hours and Louis had felt himself wearing thin. Nothing he could say helped anyways, couldn’t change the fact that there’s an entire ocean between them, and after trying to comfort Harry with the same useless words for _hours_ on end it started to break something in him. That’s what he feels like now – broken.

He stares down on the wet alleyway as he lights up another cigarette, leaning his head back into the hood of his sweatshirt. He pushes his nose into the fabric of the hoodie even though he knows that it no longer smells anything like his boy. His beautiful, gorgeous, wonderful, bright eyed, funny, fucking sweetheart of a boy. He takes another drag of the cigarette, the burn of the smoke in his lungs not even close to distracting enough. The heavy stone in his stomach is still there, wanting, waiting, longing.

His mind has been whirring all day and he’s so fucking exhausted. Waking up, inhaling a large cup of strong coffee, catching the train to Tribeca and walking the last few blocks to his uncle’s tourist shop where it’s settled right where Tribeca turns into China Town. Tourists, cheap sunglasses and sneakers, all day every single fucking day since he was old enough to multiply. He’d never been much for school, just barely getting his high school diploma, but he’d been helping out at the store since he was a kid. With his sharp mind, charming smile and strong arms he’s a big asset to his uncle’s business and up until last year he’d pretty much considered himself set for life. His uncle always talked about him taking over the business one day and he had honestly never considered what other options there might be for him. Because there had never really been any other options for him until last summer when his whole world had been invaded by unruly curls, deep dimples and the slow drawl of a British accent.

Harry had popped into the store one day, looking slightly lost but not too upset about it. He’d asked Louis about directions, saying he’d lost his “mates” and Louis had been… charmed. They started talking for a bit, Louis falling into his usual customer routine. That, however, only lasted until the curly boy started to unabashedly flirt with him and Louis was just human, completely unable to resist the flash of those dimples. They ended up exchanging phone numbers, ended up going to a club together the following night and then ended up falling into bed together. They spent the next two weeks with Louis taking Harry to all his favourite spots in the city, hanging out with Harry’s friends and fucking on Louis’ dingy mattress every chance they got.

That was eleven months ago and since that first day they have spent all of twenty one days together and the rest separated by the Atlantic. Phone calls, Skype sessions and small gifts sent in the mail, desperately trying to keep their heads above the surface, trying to not to miss each other so much they drown in it.

Louis feels like last night’s Skype call changed something though, even if the emotional distress is pretty common during their talks. Harry had looked so hopeless, so heartbroken and so so tired. Pretty 19 year old boys shouldn’t be hopeless, heartbroken or tired and Louis wants nothing more than to fix it. Make the dimples permanent crates in those rosy cheeks, make those gorgeous green eyes sparkle with fondness, love and want.

_I have to leave here._

The thought has been nagging his brain for a few weeks now, been thrumming against his temples and made the muscles in his neck curl tight.

_I have to leave here and be with my boy._

Harry is on his first year at uni so he’s got at least two and a half years left before graduation and Louis would never in his life ask him to give that up even though he suspects Harry would. And that leaves Louis with all the responsibility and it’s a lot to deal with. He’s used to taking care of his little sisters and working at the shop and helping his mom whenever she needs it, but this is something different. Because it’s not just for someone else, it’s just as much for his own sake and he’s not sure how he feels about that.

He’s gone over every option and every perspective that he can come up with so many times now he’s going a bit dizzy with it and he always ends up with the same conclusion. Wherever Harry is, is also where he needs to be. And not for a week once a year or in two and a half years time, but _now_. Every day spent apart is a day wasted and he needs to get his mind around what that means. How selfish he needs to be. To uproot his whole life, to change something that his family is taking for granted and pull the rug from under their feet. But then again, what choice does he have? His heart isn’t here anymore, it’s nestled its way into another person and from now on it will go wherever that person decides to go. Right now that person is in Manchester and without him Louis doesn’t feel like a whole.

His phone lights up in his lap and he checks the time before opening the message. 07.14 PM, his mind automatically translating it to Manchester time where it’s now past midnight. He opens the message.

_hi love, i’m so sorry abt yesterday :( i didn’t mean to break down like that but i just miss you so much. i’m sorry. i’m gonna do my best to be more positive, i promise. i love you so much and you make me the happiest person on earth. it’s not that i don’t think it’s worth it, bc i do, i just want my life to be with you all the time. but I know we’ll be alright, i just know. can we talk tomorrow? i have class early in the morning and need to go to bed rn but i’d love to hear your voice, maybe call me after work?? I love you so much and I want to be yours always, good night love, xxxxxxxxxxxxx_

Louis’ throat goes tight and his eyes well up with tears, a soft smile spreading over his lips, belly fluttering with butterflies, _god that’s my boy._

_hi baby, don’t worry about it, I just hate that I can’t hug you and kiss it better. I love you so so much, you’re my favourite thing. I’ll call you tomorrow, can’t wait <3 sleep tight babe! <3 xxx_

He puts out the cigarette and jumps down from the window, determination settling in his bones. He’s got some planning to do.

-

It takes him a while to figure things out, mostly because he has no idea of where to even begin. How do you quit your job, leave your family who depend on you, and move to another continent? Especially when the whole concept of you dating a boy is… something you and your family don’t talk about. Ever. It’s always been like that, like some sort of constant limbo. They all know he’s gay, _has known_ since he was 15, but it’s like an itch they don’t scratch.

With his mom it’s not a big problem it’s just… she doesn’t ask. She knows and she doesn’t react negatively when he brings it up, but they don’t exactly gush about Louis’ British boyfriend together. With his uncle it’s a whole other thing, because he simply just acts like he doesn’t know, like he’s got a blind spot concerning Louis’ love life and it’s just always going to be that way. Sometimes he even asks Louis about “finding himself a girl” and Louis just glares at him unimpressed until he chuckles about Louis’ “mood” and moves on to another subject. So. This will be fun.

_“Hi mom, I know you depend on me to look after the little ones when you work late and I know everyone has acted as if I’m “the man in the house” since I was a pre teen, but I miss a pair of deep dimples so much I’m fucking falling apart.”_

_“Heeeey uncle T, sooo you know how I’m gay and love cock? Well, I’ve got myself a stud in England so I’m gonna have to quit my job. Oh? What do you mean I pull in most of the business and make sure the store survives every season? See if I care!”_

Yeah, maybe not. Also, he can’t tell Harry yet. He’s scared shitless that he’s going to chicken out, that he won’t find a way to do it, and he’d rather stab himself repeatedly than deal with disappointing Harry like that. So. He’s on his own, like always. And he’s not sure that’s the best way to go about this because he’s always been absolute horseshit at being selfish. The concept “be a man, work hard and don’t think you’re anything special” so integral to who he’s been raised to be, it’s nearly impossible to go against it.

But then there’s Harry and he thinks that for the first time in his life he’s found something that means so much to him that he’s willing to be recklessly selfish over it. He’s found a boy with a devil in his smile, inescapable and spell bounding, and Louis fears he won’t actually make it out alive without him. Before there was only him but now he’s forever intertwined with another and maybe that is enough to give him the courage to run. Leave the city and follow the sun.

-

He decides to drop it like a bomb and deal with the consequences all at once. He’s never been once for tact. They’re all gathered for Sunday dinner - his mom, her boyfriend, all the kids, two of his uncles and their wives. A good crowd. Jesus he’s a fucking idiot.

He’s sweating all through dinner, not even bothering to try and keep up with the jabs and jokes. His family is as loud and unruly as always and he knows there’s no use trying to wait for a good moment – so he pounces. His uncle John has just settled down after a boisterous laugh when he raises his voice and says it.

“I’m moving to England.”

All of a sudden the table is dead silent, aunt Judy looks like she’s about to laugh at his joke, but the tense faces around the rest of the table seem to discourage her.

“Don’t talk trash son,” uncle T says, voice stern and dominant. If only Louis hadn’t spent the last decade becoming immune to that particular tone.

Louis looks him dead in the eye over the table, assessing which approach might be best. He soon realises it probably doesn’t matter. He thinks of his apartment that now stands empty with the exception of two packed bags. “I’m not. I’m leaving.”

“That’s ridiculous,” uncle John says, but is shut down with one look from uncle T.

“I don’t know what you think you’re doing here Louis, but it’s not funny, you’re upsetting your mom.”

Louis looks over at her, her big eyes serious and difficult to read. He bites his bottom lip and shifts in his seat before he looks at her, feeling like the guilt in his stomach will swallow him whole. “I’m sorry mom, but I have to.”

There’s a loud bang sounding through the room, his uncle’s fist slammed against the table. “Enough of this now! Let’s finish eating and then I’ll see you at work tomorrow morning, 6 AM sharp.”

Louis bows his head silently and takes a few deep breaths before looking back up at his uncle. “I’m going to live with my boyfriend, I love him.”

The silence that settles at that is ice cold and for a minute Louis thinks his uncle is actually going to hit him, his fists coiled so tightly they’re shaking. But then he stands up, pulls his wife with him and grabs the collar of his youngest son. “Well, don’t go thinking you’ve got anything to come back to after your ‘boyfriend’ leaves you hanging dry.”

A few minutes later everyone except his siblings, his mom and her boyfriend have left the house and the room settles down, Louis anxiously looking over at his mom.

“I’m assuming you already made up your mind?” she says and he can’t read her tone or expression.

He nods carefully, “I’m sorry, I… I know I’m ditching out on a lot of responsibility and-“

“Sweetheart, you do what you have to do, okay? And you know that once your uncle has calmed down he’ll beg you to come back if you ever want to.”

He bites his bottom lip in contemplation and then nods again, “Yeah, I know… just… I need to give this a proper chance or I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.”

“You’re a grown man Louis, you need to make your own decisions,” his mom concludes and then she gets up to clear off the table. “When are you leaving?”

“I’m not sure, as soon as I’m able,” he says, yet again thinking of his empty apartment and the money he has saved for his ticket.

“Then I suggest you go play with you siblings while I bring out desert,” she says and that’s the end of the conversation.

\---

He calls Harry the next morning when he knows Harry’s finished with school, his nerves all over the place. Stomach filled with equal parts butterflies and knots.

“Hi love!” Harry says and Louis can hear he’s outside, other people’s voices and the wind momentarily bursting through the speaker.

“Hey baby, what’s up?” Louis asks and can’t help smiling at the idea of Harry trying to find a less windy angle to hold his phone.

“Hi, um, I’m on my way over to Liam’s, sorry about the wind,” he says and he sounds so lovely. Like he’s got a spring in his step and maybe like the sun is shining on him, making freckles appear over his long nose.

“You have a minute?” Louis asks and pulls at his own bottom lip, wanting to get to the point of the conversation as quickly as possible at the same time as he’s dreading it.

“Yeah, of course, always,” Harry says and then there’s some bustling again before it quiets down. “There, now, found a quiet spot.” Louis can tell he’s smiling and his heart flips ridiculously in his chest.

“Good, erhm… I was…” he starts and doesn’t really know how to continue even though he’s gone over the conversation a thousand times by now. “What are your plans for the weekend?” he settles on.

“I told you about the gig right? My friends are playing?” Harry’s asks in his slow drawl.

“Yeah right, right, erhm, so… how would you feel about some company to the gig then?”

There’s silence for a few moments as Harry is probably trying to figure out what he’s getting at.

“What do you mean?” he asks eventually, his frown evident even in his voice.

“How would you feel about me coming with?” Louis asks and he _knows_ he’s being vague but he can’t really help it with his nerves mixed with his constant urge to tease his boy.

“ _Lou_ ,” Harry says warningly, his voice so deep and serious it sends shivers down Louis’ spine. “Don’t joke like that.”

“I’m not, I’m asking, would you like me to come with?” and he’s grinning wildly now, anticipation of Harry’s reaction tickling out to the tips of his fingers.

There’s a few seconds of silence before a deep sob comes through the receiver, “Are you serious?” Harry almost whines and Louis is pretty sure he’s started crying.

“Yes babe, I’m serious, I miss you so much,” Louis smiles and feels his own eyes tear up.

“Oh _god_ ,” Harry cries out and then he’s full out sobbing.

“Hey now, calm down babe, no need for that,” Louis tries to comfort but the truth is, he feels close to breaking down himself as the reality of what he’s about to do settles in. _I’m about to see you, about to be with you always, it’s so close._

“Are you really serious?” Harry asks as he’s calmed down enough to speak again.

“Yes, of course, I’m holding my ticket right now,” Louis says and tries not to wrinkle the printed out ticket too much.

Harry starts crying again but now there’s also relieved laughter coming through, “Oh god, I love you so much, I can’t believe you’re coming.”

Louis chuckles too, his throat thick with emotion. “Me neither babe, I love you so much.”

“When are you coming? How long are you staying?” Harry rushes out, excitement shining through.

“Well I got a ticket for Thursday,” he says and stalls a bit. “And as for how long I’m staying, I thought I’d ask you that.”

“What do you mean?” Harry laughs, clearly bewildered. But this time Louis isn’t stalling because he wants to tease, but because he’s so nervous about what Harry will say he fears he’s going to throw up.

“I’m saying that I’ll stay as long as you’ll have me.”

“W-what?” Harry wobbles out, voice so small and soft Louis feels like he’s going to burst with how much he loves him.

“If you’ll have me, I’m coming to you, baby,” Louis says, the lump in his throat nearly choking him by now.

“I don’t understand, what, _how_?”

“I quit my job, I can’t… I can’t do this anymore, I feel like every day I’m not with you is such a waste, and I’m… I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but I wanted to make sure I got everything in order before, didn’t want to get your hopes up…” he rambles on, suddenly overcome with the need to explain himself.

“God, I feel like I’m dreaming, Jesus Christ Lou... is this really real?”

“I mean, yeah, if you want me to, I’ll come,” he says, his voice trembling.

“Of course I want you, _god baby_ ,” Harry breaks into sobs again. “There’s nothing I want more, please, _please_ come, you can… we’ll work it out, you can stay with me and Ni till we find our own place, it’s, we’ll work it out, I’ll do anything, _please_.”

“Then I’ll come,” Louis says and grins through the tears.

-

Three days later he’s pulling his bags off the luggage claim and onto a carrier and then out through the sliding doors. His eyes flit over the crowd, desperately searching for a mop of brown curls as he pushes the carrier in front of him. It’s just that the second he spots him, his boy, the carrier is forgotten in an instant as he runs and crashes into Harry. His body colliding into Harry’s chest and legs wrapping around Harry’s waist. When he drags in the smell of cheap men’s cologne and lemon laundry detergent, he knows he made the right decision, knows that the arms wrapped around him is the place he belongs.


End file.
